coming out piece + NDIS application + a flare-up + pesto meatball panini 🌿

Pats-on-the-back for making it through February !!! I genuinely feel so proud of myself for being in this okay shape as I write this – this month has been a wild ride.

For most of it, I was freelance writing full time. That's never happened to me before (having so much back to back). It was new, exciting and a bit overwhelming. It meant I was thinking about the next piece while writing the current one and while it was doable in the end, I don't know that it allowed me to do my best work. Well, idk – I had no complaints from editors and the pieces are true to me – it's just that I didn't feel as present with each piece or like I could tune into each one as deeply.

While I was sailing along at this full time pace (while juggling other life stuff, as you do), I thought to myself that, I don't think this is sustainable, I think I'm making myself sick. And sure enough (the body knows!), about 2/3 through the month I did! My fibromyalgia-type symptoms and SIBO flared after getting a brief cold.

Luckily, I'd just submitted everything I needed to (classic) and could do what I needed, to regain some equilibrium. AKA lots of slower mornings, turning down some opportunities, clearing my social calendar and making low FODMAP/SIBO-friendly recipes (luckily I've written a few).

I think I have some whiplash from the last six months – since starting ADHD medication and my energy levels + capacity for focus substantially improving. While my brain is capable of so much more now, I'm still autistic/ADHD and have some chronic conditions that are IBS + fibromyalgia + POTs in flavour. If I don't respect my body's need for a slower pace, it protests with physical symptoms and this creeping anxiety/overwhelm – so I think this year will be a lesson in finding a sustainable rhythm (although I'm sure that lesson is life long).

Something I haven't mentioned here or anywhere, is that I'm currently applying to the NDIS (National Disability Insurance Scheme) for support with the way autism impacts my day to day life.

I've done all the paperwork on my part and now I'm just waiting for my allied health team to write their supporting letters. My goal is to send everything off by the end of March, then it's a minimum 8-month wait for anything to come into effect (all going well). Without getting into it too much here, it's a notoriously crap & clunky system to navigate (to put it lightly), so I'm trying to remain detachedly hopeful (is that a thing?) and take it one step at a time.

some new things from this month:

FOOD.

This month consisted of lots of homely dinners (I captured most of them for February's YouTube video & forgot to take pics... whoops), with some SIBO friendly stuff towards the end.

Made this lemongrass tofu & pumpkin laksa of mine, the best low-FODMAP spread I've ever made (greek salad, potato salad, pesto yoghurt tofu and jasmine rice) and got self-serve açai after a strenuous appointment on valentines day.

Made these Recipe Tin Eats salmon patties (aided by having prepped spring onions in the fridge and GF breadcrumbs in the freezer), re-created a favourite asian-style herb-filled calamari salad I was obsessed with at a local restaurant growing up (aided by a new GF fish & chip shop near us), and I made vegan nachos because they are my comfort dish of the summer!

FREELANCE.

I had so much writing come out this month, it's all been a bit dizzying honestly!

WATCHED.

Saw two blockbuster sequels this month (to beat the heat) that surprised & delighted...

Paddington in Peru might have had a slow start, a smidge too much CGI to feel authentic and a few plot holes – but for that it made up 10-fold in message. It's about immigration, found family, understanding where you come from – a mature theme and message which was a welcome departure from the villain-story structure of the previous two. Would happily watch it again!

Okay, I was not prepared for Bridget Jones: Mad About The Boy to be this agonising to watch – it had me balling (in the painful, this is actually a lot kind of way) every 10 minutes! It's about grief, trying to move on, accepting help and whether there are happy ever afters. Genuinely could be triggering if you've lost someone recently, so keep that in mind. Very much enjoyed it though. Sweet, corny, charming and affecting!

READ.

TWO NEW RELEASES...

I was lucky enough to receive two advanced copies in the mail this month – both of which have become new firm favourites...

Madeleine Ryan's second book (she wrote my favourite book of all time, A Room Called Earth), The Knowing follows a young woman's Valentine's day working at a bougie florist – except she's left her phone home, has excruciating period pain and is without distraction to her inner dialogue, wants and desires. It has delicious short chapters (I read it in a weekend) and observations on aging, life and priorities. The Knowing is out now.

I remember seeing the call-out for contributions to this anthology of essays by autistic writers – called Someone Like Me – edited by Clem Bastow & Jo Case. I wanted to submit something, but I was so newly diagnosed I didn't feel settled in that identity to know what to write. This collection is autistic in form as well as subject (quietly groundbreaking) and is beautifully diverse and refreshing (in the sea of autism memoir). I've read a lot of non-fiction about the autistic experience and it's a testament to this work that it's felt relatable and welcomingly challenging in new ways. Someone Like Me is out March 5.

Meshi (meaning cooked rice or meal) is a beautiful neurodivergent memoir about growing up in Japan, being 1/2 Japanese and not feeling fully accepted. The author finds belonging and identity in Japanese food and she weaves her life story together with poignant recipes, Japanese customs and history. A very special read!

This gentle comic book, I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode is basic but darling. It's about looking after your mental health and recovering from burnout. The Korean translation was a bit clunky to read at times, but overall a very sweet book with some important reminders.

I picked up Home Work: essays on love & housekeeping at the library without knowing anything about it (unlike me). It's about Australian author Helen Hayward's life, told through the thread of housework and homemaking. She wrestles with her love of creating a nourishing home environment with the labour it requires. I'm not sure the author pulled it off or if she was the best person to write this work. Hayward claims to acknowledge the gendered sociological context to housework, but because the split of domestic labour in her marriage was SO uneven, it makes for a cringy read at times. She defends her husband throughout, because she decides the labour involved is always worth the result she's after and that she just has to accept that fact. But yeah... so much of this didn't sit right with me. It was an excellent read though for confirming I never want to be with a man who doesn't do their fair share of domestic labour!

I read Deborah Levy's Real Estate and utterly loved it. It's memoir, told through the thread of the homes we make, the 'real estate' we have in real life, or (more likely for artists) in our heads. I find the type of femininity Levy inhabits and writes about to be very peaceful and relatable. You might too.

RECIPE.

Melbourne/Naarm's sandwich scene has been giving me major FOMO recently (love being gluten-freeeee, grrr!). So I got over myself and made this vegan & gluten-free Italian Meatball Panini with lemon parsley pesto and gooey vegan mozzarella !!!

It's groan-while-you-eat-it level good, savoury yet bright and the perfect solution to my sandwich shop pickle. I hope you enjoy it too. Until next time,

Phoebe x

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