Cookbook Anxiety + Adolescence + Spiced Walnut Pear & White Chocolate Cake !

Happy autumn friends,

I don't think I've felt this *at peace* in myself going into autumn in a looong time. It's reeeeally nice. I'm present, creatively fulfilled & finding the glimmers in the unpleasant parts (eg. dark mornings? well it's nice to see the sunrise & so many birds on my morning walks! feeling chilly? 10 mins of housework will warm me up!).

Considering all the up-coming election anxiety, continued torturous violence in Gaza and the regular challenges of life that chug along in old & new ways (as they do!), I'm very relieved to have such a solid foundation to stand on this year, as we journey into the shorter days.

Despite the seasonal contraction, March has been a month of creative EXPANSION! Corny 😝

I started working full-time on the cookbook – I think realistically it'll be another 2 months of full-time work (so it's a great time to support this newsletter or purchase one of my past works 🤭) and in doing so have felt the rush of creative inspiration I was anxious I'd grown out of. Or maybe ADHD medication had flattened. Alas no! I needn't have worried. It just manifests a little more calmly these days. Which I'm not mad about... the less anxious energy the better!

L-R: Splurged on some quality new Katmandu socks, original Royal Doulton Bunnykins bowls my grandmother saved for me (I've since learned the paints contained arsenic (?!) so these won't be for eating!), my current stationary set-up.

With so much focus on design choices and aesthetics, I'm paying more attention to the beauty in everything.

After much needed creative hibernation this month, I want to get out n' about more in April. Some intentions are:

COOKBOOK.

The cookbook's been coming along in both leaps + bounds as well as fits + starts. I suppose because it's the most non-linear, clunky process – where one task you've been dreading is suddenly done in the space of a morning, while you're simultaneously discovering 2 recipes you entirely forgot to shoot, decide 5 others need re-shooting, are adding 10 things to the to-do list every day and getting your head around it all in new ways every week.

It's filling me with pride, fulfilment, frustration and anxiety in equal measure – what can you do, but keep chipping away at it, trying your best and holding onto a hopeful attitude (mainly about who the heck will buy it in the current economic climate).

I talked to an Australian/UK publisher this month about publishing the cookbook in partnership with them. It's a pricier option (more upfront costs) that could have a whole host of benefits – broader distribution, cheaper printing costs, access to proofreaders and a small team to help reduce the mental load of launching. By next newsletter I'll know more about the timeline, vague release date etc. *eeek*

KITCHEN.

The mood's been FOOD TO FUEL, this month. Eg. lots of un-photogenic low fodmap meal prepped meals, some cookbook re-tests and seasonal dinners.

L-R: Green Curry Laksa Noodle Soup, meal prepped Greens, Spanish Potatoes, Pesto Tofu & Avocado and Zucchini Slice.

L-R: Tofu Egg Salad Sandwich, Spiced Tofu & Cauliflower w Spinach Rice and Cucumber Raita and a Passionfruit & Lemon Hedgehog Slice test.

L-R: Scrambled Egg & Greek Salad Rice Bowl, Dill Potato Salad, Greens + Crumbed Fish and one of many bowls of Peanut Butter Chia Gluten-Free Porridge.

YOUTUBE.

march diaries + why i'm no longer vegan. (crip time, productivity, writing a cookbook)

A long, captioned (for the first time!) video, where I document my fluctuating energy levels, talk about disability theory & why I'm no longer strictly vegan.

This video received the type of response I thought it might... very lovely responses from most and a smidge of yucky hate from some (that I've since deleted/blocked). Oh how I love the internet sometimes!

WATCHED.

I watched Adolescence. Yes I liked it, yes it was stressful to watch and disrupted my sleep for four nights straight. No I don't think society has the vocab or depth of understanding about gender to really take in everything the show depicts. Like how much emotional labour the female characters do for the male characters, through co-regulation, peace keeping, politeness, diffusing anger...

With my YouTube premium subscription (best decision), I've been enjoying Nina Montagne's back catalogue of vlogs. I watched her when she & Cam were posting vegan food content way back when. It's really lovely to get a glimpse into her way of living & seeing the world years later. She's finishing up her masters in counselling and seems much more at peace in herself. It's poetic Sydney content with books, cats, life-lessons and musings. Love love love!

READING.

'Twas a good month of short reads!!

Devoured Deborah Levy's, The Cost of Living. Hands down my favourite of the trilogy (it's no.2/3). So warm, intimate, honest, relatable and matter of fact. It'll live in my memory more vivid than many films I've watched.

Another essay collection from Daunt Publishing, Dog Hearted was an instant all-time fave. I've never read anything which captures every flavour of life with dogs; the love and life expanding as well as the disgusting, wild and challenging. Dog lovers will feel very seen.

I trudged through Annie Ernaux's The Years, as it's her most lauded work and I felt like I should. While I agree it's a phenomenal undertaking – writing about her entire life through "the words people spoke, what they said about events and things... what we are and what we must be, think, believe, fear and hope... retrieving the memory of collective memory... capture[ing] the lived dimension of history" – it made me feel so claustrophobic and panicky. The writing is always looking out at the world, the wars, politics and collective anxieties of each period – so it wasn't escapism, put it that way.

Oh Claire Keegan, what a gift you are. I'm not saying anything new here, but I think her writing is beautiful. Sparse, while saying more than most. I read Small Things Like These and Foster in one sitting. Foster will be one I re-read for years to come. If you craved more warmth and affection growing up, you should absolutely read it. It's a warm blanket.

RECIPE.

Thrilled to bring you this vegan & gluten-free, Spiced Pear & Walnut Cake w White Chocolate Frosting. A real CAKE, cake. Dare I say it's up there with my Pistachio & White Chocolate Cake (a crowd fave), which has the same not-too-sweet, cloud-like, white chocolate topping.

Mum & I polished this off between us. It's Autumn in a mouthful - HM!

Until next time,

Phoebe x

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