honest diary entries from the week my cookbook came out!

DIARY OF A SELF-PUBLISHED COOKBOOK AUTHOR. ONE WEEK – A LONG TIME IN THE MAKING.

Here's another week of diary entries during two big weeks for I Want Dopamine for Dinner. I love diary entry newsletters, so I hope you do too...

MONDAY

I sent off the stockist copies to the post office today. I think the post office must benefit from me dropping my parcels off to them, as their faces lit up when I kept lugging more in. What will their expressions be when I bring all the single orders?!

Edit: I googled it and they only get 50c per parcel. That's not a lot : (

TUESDAY

Completed a bloomin' big morning on a soul destroying uni assignment before driving around Melbourne to deliver my Melbourne stockist orders. The lovely Chestnut Tree Bookshop couldn't have set a better tone. If you live in Footscray, you are so lucky to have a bookshop/co-working space/cafe on your doorstep, grrr! I did ok with the obligatory "here's the book" chat. They gave me a free decaf-soy iced coffee and I felt practically aglow with encouragement for my next few stops.

At Brunswick Bound I bravely asked to use the loo because turns out 13kg boxes – when carried in a more ergonomic way – can really press on your bladder! The experience reminded me what a brief loo-break does for one's conversational stamina. With a brief step away, I was on for a chat! Go me, asking to meet my needs.

SUNDAY

After a week of packing orders, I admit my enthusiasm is waning and the physicality of the job is starting to hit. I'm less achy than I thought I'd be at this point but the kind of full-body anaemic-themed (I'm not actually anaemic) fragility I get when I'm exhausted (I can tell) is waiting in the wings.

A friend came over to help wrap cookbooks today. We yapped and sat side-by-side – the body doubling was nice. My body held less tension as I did it, reminding me this is a pleasure and a privilege, even if it's a stressy one at that.

TUESDAY

I had to wait for more Australia Post satchels to arrive (by post) today, before I could package up the last of the pre-orders. They got here at 2:30pm and after dissociating for a couple of hours while my arms sheathed 140 or so orders – doing a GP telehealth in the middle (slay) – I'd dropped them at the post office by 4:30pm to very happy post-office people, who informed me they offer local pick ups for free... now ya' tell me!

Supremely exhausted and so happy for the bulk of that job to be behind me. Oh and it was the book's official release date today! I know I should have done something to celebrate, but life circumstances meant I didn't really have the time or energy. I feel like a sad human being for admitting that, and guilty for not better organising my time/energy/obligations? But what can ya' do!

The highlight today was meeting a longtime follower/subscriber – those labels feel reductive – for a local cookbook delivery! It was the perfect 3 minute felt-celebration, oh this is real moment. I don't get nauseatingly nervous meeting up with people who know who I am online anymore, which is nice. I was more excited, because there's like an easy shortcut into the interaction. Plus, I'm fairly confident I'm pretty similar in real life to how I am online. I just might talk slower in real life (for those at the book launch!) because obviously editing and double speed are a thing!

THURSDAY

Caught up with uni work today and subsequently felt a knot of anxiety (related to that) loosen. What a relief. Finishing all the work (a part time semester's worth) before the cookbook launch feels vaguely doable now and maybe even enjoyable?

I utilised my local post office's free pick-up service for 20 more orders today. That feels really nice and #lovewhereyoulive vibes. I have 10–20 ish copies remaining and I feel so sad that I'll soon have none left. I need to call whether I'll order more this weekend. I really want to. I really want them to keep selling, I want to keep believing in it. It could be a really stupid financial misstep. But I really want it not to be... I did say I wanted to order enough for the next 3 years and I got that wrong big time! But I also have to order a few hundred at a minimum with this printer I've worked with (would be a lot of effort to change). Decisions decisions.

Had a spontaneous excursion today for the first time in weeks. Just to a big health food shop for some yummy ingredients for the book launch bakes. Felt amazing to have a few hours to spend flexibly!

FRIDAY

Gratitude, pride and good feeling for the cookbook were floOwInG today! We had a Tawny Frogmouth visit one of our trees which added to the magic (got the "good fright" of my life opening our blinds to its two golden eyeballs staring back at me). Many on insta said it was a good omen.

I was a bit freaked earlier in the week that I was really pushing my body into burnout, but I think that was peak-stress getting to me. Some un-interrupted uni work time later and I'm like 'oh, life is actually great!'.

I'm 98% sure I'm going to order more books. They're still selling and I just feel so completely not done with it. I'm not going to shove it down people's throats for the next, like year – but I want to talk about what's in it, make the recipes and I'm not done with it being in physical form. I still have a lot of energy left for it, which I did not have with my past cookbooks. It doesn't feel like a... "it sold out in 2 weeks after it came out" kind of work.

Used my spare capacity this afternoon to get a covid booster. Was kinda pissed (internally) at the misgendering I got at the counter, but then a public health-forward, Sandra Oh-energy pharmacist did the vaccine which redeemed the mood. I observed so many cute moments between strangers while out and about and I came home (library drop and bubble tea later) with my heart nice and full. People are good!

SATURDAY

Felt a bit gross and groggy today, but had a deep Pfizer-sponsored sleep so not complaining. Showed my face briefly at the toy library's 40th birthday celebration (where I volunteer). It was full of well-loved small children, conservative politicians there for the photo-op (vom) and then me standing around like an idiot trying to not feel completely out of place (because I definitely looked it). One older woman said to me, "so you've got a little one then?"... lol. But I did the hard, awkward, out of my comfort zone social thing which I'm proud of... and then got the hell outta there.

I sold out of cookbook's today (um... slay!) and WILL be putting in another order in time for domestic Christmas shipping. Pre-order's open here 😊

Feeling a bit blank on the feelings front today, not much to convey other than a lot of MIXED–BUT VERY GRATEFUL + PROUD–EMOTIONS! That's one real bummer about autism's interoception skills. But selling out (of my copies... it is still in bookshops) is a pretty cool thing!

Thank you for following me along over these weeks! I'll see you in October's newsletter very soon!

– Phoebe x