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Yes but no, but no but yes

18 / 01 / 2016

Whether you are anxiety prone (like mwah), or are just acutely aware of situations being overly processed in your mind, I think so many of us can relate to the indecisive feeling that comes with new opportunities. In my 'confidence journey' I have come so far in plunging head first into things with minimal inner dialogue going on in my noggin' (head), because I know that there is a very high chance that I will end up talking myself out of it. In my last year of high school I very much learn't the attitude to just lower my head and get the job done. Whether that was me giving a speech to my year level or asking a somewhat awkward question to a peer. While it was still immensely hard to do, more often than not, as I repeatedly learn't time and time again, if you don't deal with this awkward feeling now, it will just snowball into something like a bad nightmare. So for heavens sake - GET IT OUT OF THE WAY!

Now, I don't really have so many of these moments day-in-day out. Apart from the terrifying task of handing in my resume to places, the moments when I need 20 seconds of courage have come down to just entirely new experiences. Whether it's meeting new people, or going to new places and trying new things, I plan these things with gusto and then are soon left looking for an easy way out. 'Is it worth it?', I ask myself. About now I would like to point out that it ALWAYS IS. Well not always, but I'm not a total adrenaline junkie who seeks out potentially harmful situations, rather I know my limits and just often gently push them outwards. I do have to trust myself, but never the less I still experience this same sort of hesitation that I've had for so long. The same one that led me to backing out of many things in middle school that impacted me deeply.

While it's often disconcerting that this feeling knocks on my door so often, I have to remember to give myself some credit. I am older then I was when this feeling led to frustrating outcomes, the fact that I don't let it block my desired path now is proof of my success over this sucker, and through just being aware of it, I am quashing it further.

While the saying in the title has three "buts" (and I apologise for that haha), it also has an equal amount of "yes's" and "no's". You inevitably choose which route to take. Just remember that.