We Are Our Own Barriers
When you are somewhat dependent on other people in your life, and then suddenly that balance is knocked out of kilt by a work load, illness or long distance situation, it can be hard to deal with. You are filled with anger, frustration and determination, while being rather fragile on the inside.
At the moment I feel these things over a something simple, my drivers licence. It sounds silly, and in the end it's my fault for not getting around to it together earlier (aka at 16), but there it is. I still have 70 hours to get up that require a supervising driver (aka a parent) to sit with me and let me weave my way around hill and dale, but in a sense I feel ready to sit the test now. Initially, I felt as if I would never feel confident driving. I was always unsure about everything and constantly paranoid that I would hit the accelerator instead of the brake, which has happened a couple of times. But through having a few professional lessons it all seemed to click and now I am a tad impatient and fidgety in wanting to get over the hump and get up these hours. I'm not saying I'm a perfect driver, the remaining hours will teach me more then I could know I'm sure, but my mindset has changed and that means a great deal.
The only thing that appears to be stopping me in this case is a supervising parent being available to go on trips to the other side of the city or to the Dandenong Ranges (a gorgeous place in outer Melbourne). I say "appears" because I hate to play the blame game. I'm don't want to foster that old part of me, rather move on, so it makes me uneasy when I say it, but with my mum being tied to her desk rather constantly of late, there is truth in the saying that my driving hours have come to a stand still. Nothing is happening, and nothing looks to be going to happen (apart from the five minute drive to the shops and back for groceries) for many more weeks to come.
One of my goals this year was to live more spontaneously, and I know this little hick-up is not preventing me to live to that truthfully, but I love being able to feed two birds with one seed. Aka - be productive and tick off multiple boxes while doing what needs to be done. I could catch public transport to these places I want to visit, I could wait, or I could just (do what I have resorted to) try and be as productive as possible until the time passes.
I have been trying to remind myself that you can't change people. You can't draw them away from things that you see causes unnecessary stress and frustration. While taking a step back and simply being the support they need is one of the hardest things, you've also got to give thanks and look for ways around these superficial barriers that only exist in your mind.
There are a million and one ways to spend a day, so don't let your ego take charge and drive you cranky because you're not doing it how you had planned or would have liked. You can still "like" and even "love" the alternative. The fact that you are already labeling it with "low-expectations" is a good sign that they will be undoubtedly beaten.