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Real vs Numbers

18 / 09 / 2016

I have this weird inability to want to spend any of my own money. Wait - did she just mention money on her blog? I think she might have...that's nuts - no one talks about money!!

Okay if we've all had our little freak out then welcome back to the land of the calm and let's talk about this in a civilised manner. But also don't stress, because I'm not exactly going to be talking about the matter for very long. I'm only passing through.

So back to my original point. I feel particularly queasy when spending my own money. What if I REALLY need it one day? Did I really think that purchase through? You can never get that back, you realise? I'm a little nuts in that department. Especially, considering that once I do spend money of my own, say on an e-book or some VSCO filters, I'm not all that precious about the goods that come in return. Physical items such as books and the like are great, I'm not a book wrecker or anything, I'm almost the polar opposite of reckless, just not when it comes to an electronic exchange. It sort of feels like a game that we used to play in year 8 commerce. Like it's all pretend, and we're dealing with fake money. It just doesn't seem like something particularly real or impactful, rather just a small and insignificant pressing of a few buttons.

When I have in my hand a $50 note (AUD currency people) it feels like a luxurious key to the land of plenty. It's golden colours resonate with the golden ticket's in that bonker-Wonka story we all grew up with. Yet when I get an additional $50 in my bank account, it simply feels like a handful of crumbs. Now, why the heck is this?

Well, I think I know the reason, that being - when you have fifty dollars in your hand you simply have that note and nothing else. You don't have a swarm of other fifties around your feet to make this look like a petty amount, you just have that note. Yet when you add something to your bank account, the increment of $50 seems less than insignificant. You start to see $1000 dollars as insignificant. It's a digital wonderland where everything is "not enough" because there's no minimal and definitely no maximum. There are infinite opportunities to be had, making you always want more.

If it isn't clear already, I've never really had the need to worry about my money. I would hoard my birthday and babysitting money for years and then spend it on something I had been researching no end and cross checking for centuries. An exaggeration - but the crux of it are there. It's pathetic in a way, I should just get on with life rather than waiting and deliberating in that department.

But on the flip-side, I know that goods don't make you happy - so I am hesitant in engaging with them. That's a positive, no?

Well, there clearly is a fine line with everything.