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Pressured Relationships

14 / 09 / 2016

I recently had one seriously good chat with a friend that brought up more than I thought would, and also triggered a few light-bulb moments. Aren't they the best? They’re so necessary in life, yet completely spontaneous. You can plan to have a chat, but you can't plan to have a break-through. One of the many things discussed was the dynamic of relationships. How they look like then they are going smoothly, and how they look when being rushed and uncomfortably pushed forward into the uncharted.

Throughout my life, I have commonly felt that I struggle in social situations that I don't have any experience in. I feel uncomfortable and anxious, while often looking for and finding an escape, wherever I can. But this is only the case when I am in specific situations. Namely night life situations and those where a specific social goal is to be met, such as "getting to know someone better".

During this conversation I realised that I had thought that socialising was somewhat of a performance. That you had to always make the other person feel comfortable by being on their same energy vibration. Or at least that’s what I thought I had to do. That it was my duty. But that's almost a recipe for making the other person feel uncomfortable - because we can't all live like that. The performance has got to drop at sometime, otherwise we'll all go insane. So I guess it's about finding a balance between tuning into some else’s frequency yet also remaining true to yourself and not just dismissing your needs and preferences as an individual for the sake of "not offending" the other.

Yet despite this "tuning in" of frequencies that I'm talking about, shouldn't true friendships be based on having a similar energy current? Now you can choose to think that I'm talking about a spiritual one here, or rather a practical one - same same. Either way, I am referring to the collective mix of individual’s energy levels, introverted-ness vs extroverted-ness, personality and excitability. Or put more simply, compatibility - but that term has so many possibilities these days and implied meanings that I think my earlier fleshing out of the notion fits better.

Once again, I don't exactly have a contention here, it's been very much another HBOT discussion. But even though these things can appear to be staring us in the face, it does wonders to have them pointed out to us. I now know that when someone says "let's hang out, we need to get to know each other better", it's not solely on me to make that happen. It puts unnecessary pressure for a big break through moment to happen – and that’s not entirely fair. Expectations are fine, but when put on other people in the social domain - they might cause more harm then realised.

From now on, I'm going to continue to bring more of me to the table in my current relationships. Let our frequencies meet, rather than always compromising my own.