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Motherliness

20 / 03 / 2016

If you asked me two weeks ago whether I would even conceive (haha a pun already!) writing a post looking at the positive side of being a mother, or the hypothetical scenario of having to provide for a family, I would have said, 'well, no'. You see two weeks ago I had literally just told my driving instructor that most likely our generation (but primarily myself) would simply not buy a house or raise children because it's all too darn expensive. Plus there are so many children in the world which need love, on top of those that individuals have themselves. There is somewhat of an anti-children vibe from a few vegans in the community and I guess this subconsciously rubbed off on me, as so many things do. Then I was somewhat perfectly made to question all of this through a video by Natalie from Fruit and Family. As a mother, she basically outlined that it is something so inconceivably different the whole 'child argument' and whether or not you like children, it's different when you actually have them yourself.

It was the beginning of a series of wake-up calls I guess from a few other conversations around me bringing up the fact that it is perfectly okay, and infact normal to want children (of course when you are at an age/situation when you can provide for them and enrich their lives). But on-top of this I started baby-sitting a family which I found myself absolutely loving. Like SERIOUSLY enjoying it. I like the interaction on a not-overly-complex level, as well as the ability to make a small difference to a regular family's busy life, by washing up or folding their laundry. It's through playing on this ability to act through service that is incredibly gratifying.

While on a simple level, when you zoom out - it might not sound that "me". I am serving up and often finishing cooking meat and dairy laden meals, and it's in the evenings which are often my least-best time (anxiety wise). However I put my mission hat on in this scenario and don't dwell on what can't be changed in those moments. This particular family are family friends and upon the first time I was heading round to their place I was a tad nervous. Looking forward to it, but worried about being awkward I guess. My mum said to me 'oh don't worry, they love you'. I was really surprised by this and it has really stuck with me. There is a sort of love that extends beyond close friends, partners, family that is simply being fond of people. This love often goes unspoken, yet is the most lovely to hear about. I have come across this love when you hear the news that someone you care about has passed away. You might not have actually interacted with them that often, and perhaps never personally, but you admired them from afar and could see they made the world a better place. I talk about this because it reminded me of the different types of love and affection in this world and how everyone, all communities and all life forms are held together by it. So by simply saying that you don't want to be a mother for X, Y and Z, and giving the stock standard reasons is all well and good, but just remember to keep an open mind about it. When we become to closed off in our opinions, we forget to understand the choices of others and that is not good.

Personally, I just don't know if I'll have children. It is beyond weird to say (or write) about, and is just another one of the zillion things that is held in the future and can't be predicted. Yet if the past week made me realise one thing, is that I wouldn't be all that bad at it, and it's okay if you do.