Moments Of Doubt
Lately, I have been relatively free of the old "what the heck am I doing thoughts?" - which has been an utter blessing. Throughout this year, I've experienced a bit of a bell curve type scenario where initially I thought I was convinced of what my plan was to be, and then as that naivety wore off I had a seriously stressful patch where no work was coming through and I was just doing this blogging thing to a very small audience. Then lately since my platform has been growing a little, my motivation has been great and I'm in a good routine. With these thoughts come the usual anxiety, "what's the point?" thoughts and low moods, but since recently adopting a mindset change, many things have positively changed.
In the past when I was adjusting to this completely different routine, with no school and barely any purpose, I would be freaked out when I hit these low spots because I thought I shouldn't have them. It was like I was doing something naughty that I was then getting angry at myself for doing. It felt off limits, yet there I was. Ultimately, when I thought of these things as being "okay" and even "normal" then I found myself not experiencing them for such long periods of time and in fact they metamorphized into more of a passing thought than an actual state of being.
I guess it's not like it was a light-bulb moment or anything, but it certainly has had monumental effects for my state of wellness. No, I'm not now free from ever having a low day again, if fact lately I think I've had more of them in the past week then for the whole of last month. But the difference is that they haven't lasted as long and I don't feel like they will. I simply acknowledge that they are there, and then get back to working, creating or just doing.
It'a better balance now, and again it comes back to being kind to yourself. There is absolutely no shame or need for embarrassment in the task of looking after yourself. Having your needs met and taking a moment to re-charge your batteries is so unbelievably crucial, and benefitting to others that I don't see why it's not more widely appreciated and acknowledged. Everything about us affects the people we a constantly around, and there is no way of helping that because you come from a family, and have to go outside to buy your kale. Plus vitamin D people!! Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, so in conclusion - whatever you're feeling, instead of resisting and wishing it wasn't there, just say 'Hi' next time and then move on. Like an awkward sighting of a school friend you have lost contact with, easy :D