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Living It Again

06 / 08 / 2016

I'm 18.

I'm still pretty young by society's standards, and yes I still feel like 15 sometimes, and 80 on other occasions. I think my body language gives me away sometimes, that and my youthful appearance (??) - because I almost never bother with make-up and my style is a little granny like. No heels...well rarely. Anyhoos I'm not trying to be older or anything, I'm just giving my two thoughts. Anyway the other day I had a weird freak-out. It was all in my head, no one noticed and it wasn't that big of a deal, but I guess it was a light-bulb moment of sorts that really bummed me out. Here's what happened.

I was watching this YouTube video for some strange reason, probably because I've always had a weird fascination with gymnastics - and afterwards I was left really bummed. Only because it suddenly hit me that I've done my "childhood". I've done the period of time where your parents put you in a club or hobby and you run with it - sometimes getting really good. It wasn't like I wasn't put in any extra-curricular activities growing up - I did piano, choir, netball, gymnastics, tap and volleyball at one point, and I'm grateful for all of them. Perhaps it is more the fact that now I am in a position where I am on the other side of that rather annoyed at myself that I didn't really work at one of them and become a pro. Like, Olympic level pro. What I thought was my greatest achievement growing up was being in the Melbourne 2006 Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony with the choir I was in. I was the youngest singer in the section we were in and I even waved to the queen as she was 15 meters away from me through being part of it. I spoke to my primary school about it and dressed up in my weird costume for it - but since realising the other day that I had absolutely no idea where the 2014 Commonwealth Games were (they were in Scotland), it suddenly hit me that it was a rather unextraordinary event. This was like a dagger to the chest and it probably unconsciously fed this big realisation and disappointment.

You see I felt like a diva on that night. I was surrounded by all these older people who thought I was cute so they let me hang out with them (they were maybe 16-20), and I got my hair braided for FREE. YEP - and that was a BIG deal for me because my mum couldn't braid and I was still getting my hair done by my grandma who was a hairdresser, yet wasn't up with the braids I wanted (aka French or Dutch Braids). So I felt rather cool. But now I'm just blabbing.

I guess I still love the idea of going back and becoming a pro gymnast, learning how to do the splits or learning how to play the harp. Many of these things I can still learn how to do - obviously, but I guess the whole, "I can't just get my mum, to organise it" sort of thing is a little depressing. There are more adulty processes involved now.

But hey, that part of my life was never going to last forever.