Honeybunch of
Onion Tops
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I do this for myself

29 / 03 / 2016

While my Youtube channel could be said to help people, or at least provide some enjoyable content, I'm often not too sure about what these ramble columns do for anyone. That is....apart from me. Sounds a little selfish to put onto the page, but the reality is, that these posts are my thoughts and feelings in the moment. Very much, hot off the press. I only thought to write a post addressing this maybe three minutes ago, and here we are.

If you haven't picked up on the hint in the past, then you might not be aware that I'm not much of a talker. I'd rather keep it in. Yet I know that this practice which is so habitual doesn't reward me long-term. In the past, I have been to see three different psychologists, and while this was for another issue that I absolutely didn't want to discuss - it really didn't work for me, because I don't have the greatest ability to let my mind flow out via words. I generally have a very limited ability to turn my thoughts into words, as from what I've found, those who mechanisms work quite separately for me. Mine don't quite coordinate their behaviour so the whole "speaking what's on my mind" doesn't really work so terrifically.

However, when it comes to writing or simply talking about my thoughts, feelings and emotions to myself (yes talking to myself) when no one else is around (aka cleaning the bathrooms, waiting for a bus or in the car waiting for my mum to return from the bank), I am able to do it quite well. I don't have to try and nor is any anxiety or panic attached when I do.

So as you might be getting the hint, this is my form or counselling. I don't really know who is on the other side, just that there are a few school friends and friends of my mum (...yep). I think writing about whatever comes to mind is an especially positive practice. It is what many people fill the contents of a journal with. I do that as well. But if you know me then you'll find that I generally talk about certain topics to a few different friends and in a few different places before they fizzle out. So here I am, officially laying different notions and ideas to rest. This place is like a book end for me, I type it out, briefly edit and then post. Poof!

I think artist and content creators have to do their art for themselves, or at least for someone which is an extension of themselves. If not, then it will slowly drain you, and I think many people do this sort of thing so they can escape from that. From the traditional 9-5 (but really 12 hour) days and no work/life balance.

I hope you can sometimes relate from reading what I write. Grow in a sense through not feeling like the only one going through something, or having weird thoughts that you believe are so bizarre and specific that you must be some type of human look-a-like alien. I don't mean to drain you in anyway, my concerns aren't yours, so please don't take them as that. To be honest I can't stand that possibility.

Know that I do this part of my blog (aka the columns not the recipes) for myself, and it you find it interesting, beneficial or enjoyable in any way, then that's a lovely side dish of crispy potatoes (aka a bonus :D).