Connection Through Baby Steps
Lately, I had been feeling that I just majorly failed at connecting with people through conversation. Sure, when I do it through a surprise drop off of food, flowers or a thoughtful text it goes okay, but otherwise, I had been feeling that I was just failing over and over again. When I say failing I mean making the other person feel rather uncomfortable, and being so inarticulate that it was painful to watch/listen to.
The thing was that these instances of communication were all with people of an older generation - I didn't really realise it, until a moment last night that this was the case, but it was all with people at least a couple of generations out. Now not to point the finger or deflect responsibility here, but there definitely is an undeniable difference in communication styles between generations that increases with the years in between. It's kind of common sense I guess. It's a little harder to start conversations that you really want to have, and you feel a little more judged with things you do want to say. Well - this was the way I was feeling anyways. Because of this pattern of communication, I was thinking that I just couldn't do it - that I had literally lost the ability to hold a conversation and connect with people through language and presence. As you can imagine, this thinking didn't make me feel too good about myself.
Then last night this whole thinking changed. I went to a nice dinner for a friends b-day, at her house and there weren't that many people there - but enough that I could talk to a few that I didn't know in a setting where connections and relatable topics were already in place. This not only allowed for conversation to flow ridiculously easily - but an opportunity to share what I was doing without fear of judgement arose pretty naturally. I guess I had been speaking to people who didn't really get what I was doing for so long that it felt like I was asking for judgement every time I laid those things out on the table. A YouTube channel or even Etsy shop is a sort of strange and bizarre concept that unless you have been to uni beforehand and studied those things before landing on these rather modern platforms, it can seem like a risky and odd arrival destination.
It was nice to have that support from people I don't know for once, rather than knowing that I should probably dodge around the topic or prepare myself for scrutinising questions if I am to bring it up with certain people. It was a nice night, and I am so glad I went.
I think it's just another reminder that even if we feel a certain way, like there is absolutely no sign of validation for what we are going and that we are entirely alone in the pursuit of that - it's most likely that the next little pat on the back is bigger and better than you could have imagined, and is waiting right around the corner.
HEADER IMAGE FOUND HERE